Sorry it's taken me so long to finish this season. I've been gorging on British TV lately, and my Buffy watching has suffered because of it. I hang my head in shame.
-Poor Willow. I can't believe Xander's still carrying that torch for Buffy. Doesn't he know know he's never going to get past first base and even that is... I've said too much.
-Quick technical question: I know when you're inside during an earthquake that you should get into a doorway, and I know being outside is all well and good, but what about being inside a car? Is that like being outside? Should you stay put? Living in Illinois and all, I guess I've just never thought about it before.
-Only a 5.1? Master, you should be ashamed. I know a certain vamp who, with the help of a necklace, is going to turn Sunnydale into the next Grand Canyon. Pshaw your pathetic 5.1.
-Xander, sweetie, Stevie Wonder could have foreseen this "let's just be friends" brush-off. Moveon.org already.
-You crazy kids don't even know how close to the vest Willow's playing things, romance-wise.
-Calendar's back. And she's been keeping track of what Giles has been wearing. Jenny and Rupert, sitting in a tree...
-Look at everyone running around, all freaked out about their first apocalypse. It really is a special occasion. Hallmark should sell a card or something.
-You better watch out, Cordy. Scooby is catching.
-Good for you, Willow. Someone needed to call Xander out on his continued casual dismissal of your blatant crush.
-If Xander thinks country music is the music of pain, then he's obviously never listened to experimental jazz.
-Buffy must have her own key to the school. I'm thinking someone would notice if there were broken locks every single morning.
-It's do or die, Buffy. No worries.
-The new Slayer's name is going to be Kendra and she's gonna have this janky accent and... You know, this is probably a bad time. I'll come back later.
-I always thought "Innocence" was when everything changed in this show, but I'm beginning to realize that the plates started to shift before that. There's nothing like a sixteen-year-old facing her own mortality to really serious up a funny little 'Monster of the Week' show. And she doesn't even have her mother to lean on. That's some pretty heavy lifting.
-Dude. How are you ladies missing the giant bloody hand print on the TV screen in the... cartoon watching lounge? Seriously, what the hell is that place?
-There's Buffy looking all pretty in her virginal white gown (an image Joss must have been so enamored with that it made it from the movie to the TV show). Well, it is a special night, Buffy's first time and all. First time dying, that is.
-See? Shit just got real for Willow, too.
-Arguing over who's going to face the Master: Buffy, 1; Giles, TKO.
-I just realized that the Annoying One is still wearing the same clothes that he died/was turned in. Even he doesn't deserve that. Now, I know the Master can't leave his hole, and I'm sure there aren't any Gap Kids in the sewer, but isn't that what minions are for?
-Note the Locutus reference. This is the first (that I've noticed), but it shall not be the last TNG allusion. Hee!
-Sunnydale has the driest sewer system ever.
-Nice Press-Ons, Master. Did you file them to points yourself? At least now we know how he keeps himself entertained.
-What's with the biting of the shoulder thing? I'm no anatomy expert, but I'm pretty sure there aren't any major veins there. *researchification* Hm. It would appear that the shoulder is sort of where the subclavian vein is located, but I think he would have had to bite through her clavicle to get to it; therefore, I am throwing the bullshit flag. You may now return to your irregularly scheduled recap.
-Good thing the Zeppo paid attention in first aid.
-Seymour + Tremors ÷ Aliens = Hellmouth creature
-Is it just me or did dying give Buffy more cleavage?
-Do you think they budget for the yearly damage to Sunnydale High, or do you think the superintendent has to push for new referendums every November?
-They're seriously unconcerned about people asking questions about the ancient skeleton in the library. I guess they have a point. Who's going to make a fuss? The Sunnydale police? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
What with all the festivities fast approaching, I probably won't be updating this again until next year. Happy holidays! I'll see you on the flip side.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
"Out of Mind, Out of Sight" (1.11)
-Weapons for history class, eh? Buffy's kind of a crappy liar for someone who has to lie as often as she does.
-I love that Cordy's into The Merchant of Venice. Oh, that's right--this is the episode where Cordelia starts become multi-dimensional and whatnot. Good stuff.
-Hey! The boys' locker room has windows! Are windows in locker rooms covered by Title IX?! Someone go and check. I'll wait.
-Good thing Corelia's date is a jerk. That way we don't have to feel too bad when he gets the bejesus beaten out of him by the Floating Bat of Misdirected Anger.
-Xander and Willow can unfortunately come off kind of douchey when they go all inside jokey BFFs in front of Buffy. She's isolated enough, kids. No need to rub her face in it.
-Apparently, while Buffy has been honing her Slayage skillz, Xander and Willow have been practicing their diversion techniques.
-LOOK! Dude, you're invisible.
-Buffy: Willow, I need you to compile a list of the kids from Sunnydale High that are dead or missing.
Willow: Sure thing. See you IN A THOUSAND YEARS!
-I feel gypped that my memories aren't grainy and/or sepia-toned, too.
-Harmony's first brush with death. Sorry, sweetie. It'll only take marginally better next time.
-That band room is going to start seeing a lot of action.
-There's a girl on campus who can become invisible? Quick, check and see if Sue Storm is registered at Sunnydale! Ha-cha!
-Willow's wearing a Scooby-Doo t-shirt. Hee!
-A) Why is Cordy working on her dress at school? and B) What is that one weird-o doing with a mobile? Is Cordy supposed to hang it from her skirt or fashion it into some sort of hat?
-Angel's back! And he's more brood-tacular than ever!
-This one time, in the band room... I'm sorry! But what with Alyson Hannigan being there, and invisi-girl playing the flute... Sorry. Never again.
-Why would Marcie need to kill Buffy? Even if Buffy did turn her into the completely ineffectual Sunnydale cops, Marcie could still easily hide from them. SHE'S INVISIBLE!
-Okay, invisi-bitch. I'll give you your attacks on Mitch and Harmony--they're lame--but Mrs. Miller is cool and helpful. The well of sympathy, she has run dry.
-LISTEN! To what? Is it time already for your psychopath rant?
-Buffy: There's an invisi-chick after you.
Cordelia: Whatevs. Make her stop!
I love that whenever Buffy or the Scoobies try to lay the crazy out for people who live there or go to the high school, they're usually pretty unfazed. It shows that they don't live in a bubble. They have memories and the things that happen to them happen for always, not just until next week. It's one of my favorite things about this show.
-Where did Cordy's bodyguards go?
-Behold! Cordy and her hidden depths.
-Now Marcie's trying to kill the Scoobies?! You know, I'm just spit-balling here, but I think the reason no one wanted to hang with Marcie was because she was AN ASSHOLE!
-Buffy can leap the school fence in a single bound, but she can't jump four feet in the air to grab Cordy's ankles? I'm just sayin'...
-How can the Bronze still be open? Their insurance premiums must be through the roof!
-LEARN! Learn what? Thanks, but I don't think anyone's really interested in taking your Insanity + Hellmouth vibes = Invisibility seminar.
-I was thinking that it's odd that no one who works at the Bronze ever shows up early or works late, but the more I thought about it, I'm pretty sure that must be number one in their WHAT NEVER TO DO WHEN YOU WORK AT THE BRONZE training manual. Number two is never leave with a strangely charismatic patron. Number three is be sure to set out the fresh croissants when you open.
-Miss Carpenter, I know this is pre-Botox, so I will forgive you your non-frozen frozen face this one time. What was a poor actress to do in the days before she could model herself after the likes of Nicole Kidman?
-Damn it, Cordy, your face is frozen, but your hands aren't, right? Stop being useless and free yourself!
-Action Angel to the rescue! Now with Codex!
-Man, there's one hell of a cross-breeze in the Bronze.
-I forgot that the FBI comes for Marcie. I guess we can assume this is pre-Initiative.
-The classroom is full of inivisi-kids, so how did Marcie know which desk was empty? Can the invisible see each other? If so, what else can they see? Does that mean they're simply on another plane of existence? Then why can they interact with us? Do they represent a bridge between planes? My head hurts.
-Marcie is another dropped plot line. Marcie and the other invisi-assassins, weren't mentioned in season four, were they? I'll let you know.
-I love that Cordy's into The Merchant of Venice. Oh, that's right--this is the episode where Cordelia starts become multi-dimensional and whatnot. Good stuff.
-Hey! The boys' locker room has windows! Are windows in locker rooms covered by Title IX?! Someone go and check. I'll wait.
-Good thing Corelia's date is a jerk. That way we don't have to feel too bad when he gets the bejesus beaten out of him by the Floating Bat of Misdirected Anger.
-Xander and Willow can unfortunately come off kind of douchey when they go all inside jokey BFFs in front of Buffy. She's isolated enough, kids. No need to rub her face in it.
-Apparently, while Buffy has been honing her Slayage skillz, Xander and Willow have been practicing their diversion techniques.
-LOOK! Dude, you're invisible.
-Buffy: Willow, I need you to compile a list of the kids from Sunnydale High that are dead or missing.
Willow: Sure thing. See you IN A THOUSAND YEARS!
-I feel gypped that my memories aren't grainy and/or sepia-toned, too.
-Harmony's first brush with death. Sorry, sweetie. It'll only take marginally better next time.
-That band room is going to start seeing a lot of action.
-There's a girl on campus who can become invisible? Quick, check and see if Sue Storm is registered at Sunnydale! Ha-cha!
-Willow's wearing a Scooby-Doo t-shirt. Hee!
-A) Why is Cordy working on her dress at school? and B) What is that one weird-o doing with a mobile? Is Cordy supposed to hang it from her skirt or fashion it into some sort of hat?
-Angel's back! And he's more brood-tacular than ever!
-This one time, in the band room... I'm sorry! But what with Alyson Hannigan being there, and invisi-girl playing the flute... Sorry. Never again.
-Why would Marcie need to kill Buffy? Even if Buffy did turn her into the completely ineffectual Sunnydale cops, Marcie could still easily hide from them. SHE'S INVISIBLE!
-Okay, invisi-bitch. I'll give you your attacks on Mitch and Harmony--they're lame--but Mrs. Miller is cool and helpful. The well of sympathy, she has run dry.
-LISTEN! To what? Is it time already for your psychopath rant?
-Buffy: There's an invisi-chick after you.
Cordelia: Whatevs. Make her stop!
I love that whenever Buffy or the Scoobies try to lay the crazy out for people who live there or go to the high school, they're usually pretty unfazed. It shows that they don't live in a bubble. They have memories and the things that happen to them happen for always, not just until next week. It's one of my favorite things about this show.
-Where did Cordy's bodyguards go?
-Behold! Cordy and her hidden depths.
-Now Marcie's trying to kill the Scoobies?! You know, I'm just spit-balling here, but I think the reason no one wanted to hang with Marcie was because she was AN ASSHOLE!
-Buffy can leap the school fence in a single bound, but she can't jump four feet in the air to grab Cordy's ankles? I'm just sayin'...
-How can the Bronze still be open? Their insurance premiums must be through the roof!
-LEARN! Learn what? Thanks, but I don't think anyone's really interested in taking your Insanity + Hellmouth vibes = Invisibility seminar.
-I was thinking that it's odd that no one who works at the Bronze ever shows up early or works late, but the more I thought about it, I'm pretty sure that must be number one in their WHAT NEVER TO DO WHEN YOU WORK AT THE BRONZE training manual. Number two is never leave with a strangely charismatic patron. Number three is be sure to set out the fresh croissants when you open.
-Miss Carpenter, I know this is pre-Botox, so I will forgive you your non-frozen frozen face this one time. What was a poor actress to do in the days before she could model herself after the likes of Nicole Kidman?
-Damn it, Cordy, your face is frozen, but your hands aren't, right? Stop being useless and free yourself!
-Action Angel to the rescue! Now with Codex!
-Man, there's one hell of a cross-breeze in the Bronze.
-I forgot that the FBI comes for Marcie. I guess we can assume this is pre-Initiative.
-The classroom is full of inivisi-kids, so how did Marcie know which desk was empty? Can the invisible see each other? If so, what else can they see? Does that mean they're simply on another plane of existence? Then why can they interact with us? Do they represent a bridge between planes? My head hurts.
-Marcie is another dropped plot line. Marcie and the other invisi-assassins, weren't mentioned in season four, were they? I'll let you know.
Monday, December 7, 2009
"Nightmares" (1.10)
-"In every generation, there is a Chosen One. She alone will... blah, blah vampires. Blah, blah Slayer." Dude, we're ten episodes in. I got it.
-Buffy's dreams about The Master are back. Good times had by none.
-Buffy's dad is coming for a visit? He must not have gotten the memo that for this series the role of Buffy's father figure will be played by Rupert Giles.
-Sheesh, Cordelia and Xander--get a room already!
-Mr. Wendal, that's his name/ No one ever knew his name cuz he's a no one/ Never thought twice about spiders on a weird kid/ Until I had the chance to really get to seem 'em.
-And the role of Nightmare Kid will be played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Mini-Me.
-It must get really boring down in The Master's lair. I don't see any books or a TV. They don't even have a chessboard or Connect Four.
-Why isn't anyone noticing how freaky Giles is acting? Everyone's freak meter should always be turned up to eleven while they're at Sunnydale.
-Meanwhile, Cordy is acting both nice and helpful. ELEVEN, PEOPLE!
-For the record, poorly lit basements also give me the wig. Especially when they are inhabited by Sloth's angry, violent cousin.
-What is that you say, Dr. Plot Exposition? Laura got off easy, unlike Billy (aka Nightmare Kid, aka Lucky 19) who was beaten into a coma by someone with the same M.O.? Thanks, Dr. Soon to Be Sued for Breach of Privacy! That was all quite helpful and unprofessional.
-Sunnydale has greasers?! Apparently, the school is on a Hellmouth and a rift in time. Bitchin'.
-Given how much of a deadbeat dad Hank is in the rest of the series, I think the timing of his confession might just be a coincidence.
-Xander got off kind of easy with that underwear nightmare. Most people would have been naked. I think he has the FCC to thank for that.
-Cordelia's nightmare is having '80s hair? Better watch out for that time rift, Cord.
-Willow! You were so smart about the whole splitting up thing and now you're going down into the basement alone? For shame.
-Mmmm. Mystery chocolate.
-Willow has stage fright dreams? I thought only people who'd acted got those. Perhaps this is because of those four seconds she spent on stage performing Oedipus Rex. Man, I guess that was pretty traumatizing for her.
-Nothing is scarier than a clown.
-Well, maybe a clown covered in spiders.
-A clown covered in spiders lurking in an empty, poorly lit girls' locker room!
-I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.
-Buffy, I know being buried alive is super scary, but if The Bride can get out, then so can you. Granted, she was running on high-octane revenge, but you are the Slayer.
-Giles' nightmare is failing Buffy and her dying because of it. *sniff*
-Vamp Buffy and vamp Harmony could totally be sisters.
-If a dude gets that unhinged over a "Kiddie League" loss, then he can't have been that stable to begin with. Does no one screen these people?
-Xander was turned on by vamp Buffy, huh? With that, the groundwork for Xander's relationship with ex-demon Anya is laid. I didn't realize these earlier seasons were so much about Xander's eventual turn-ons and fetishes. I feel sort of dirty now.
-Buffy's dreams about The Master are back. Good times had by none.
-Buffy's dad is coming for a visit? He must not have gotten the memo that for this series the role of Buffy's father figure will be played by Rupert Giles.
-Sheesh, Cordelia and Xander--get a room already!
-Mr. Wendal, that's his name/ No one ever knew his name cuz he's a no one/ Never thought twice about spiders on a weird kid/ Until I had the chance to really get to seem 'em.
-And the role of Nightmare Kid will be played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Mini-Me.
-It must get really boring down in The Master's lair. I don't see any books or a TV. They don't even have a chessboard or Connect Four.
-Why isn't anyone noticing how freaky Giles is acting? Everyone's freak meter should always be turned up to eleven while they're at Sunnydale.
-Meanwhile, Cordy is acting both nice and helpful. ELEVEN, PEOPLE!
-For the record, poorly lit basements also give me the wig. Especially when they are inhabited by Sloth's angry, violent cousin.
-What is that you say, Dr. Plot Exposition? Laura got off easy, unlike Billy (aka Nightmare Kid, aka Lucky 19) who was beaten into a coma by someone with the same M.O.? Thanks, Dr. Soon to Be Sued for Breach of Privacy! That was all quite helpful and unprofessional.
-Sunnydale has greasers?! Apparently, the school is on a Hellmouth and a rift in time. Bitchin'.
-Given how much of a deadbeat dad Hank is in the rest of the series, I think the timing of his confession might just be a coincidence.
-Xander got off kind of easy with that underwear nightmare. Most people would have been naked. I think he has the FCC to thank for that.
-Cordelia's nightmare is having '80s hair? Better watch out for that time rift, Cord.
-Willow! You were so smart about the whole splitting up thing and now you're going down into the basement alone? For shame.
-Mmmm. Mystery chocolate.
-Willow has stage fright dreams? I thought only people who'd acted got those. Perhaps this is because of those four seconds she spent on stage performing Oedipus Rex. Man, I guess that was pretty traumatizing for her.
-Nothing is scarier than a clown.
-Well, maybe a clown covered in spiders.
-A clown covered in spiders lurking in an empty, poorly lit girls' locker room!
-I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.
-Buffy, I know being buried alive is super scary, but if The Bride can get out, then so can you. Granted, she was running on high-octane revenge, but you are the Slayer.
-Giles' nightmare is failing Buffy and her dying because of it. *sniff*
-Vamp Buffy and vamp Harmony could totally be sisters.
-If a dude gets that unhinged over a "Kiddie League" loss, then he can't have been that stable to begin with. Does no one screen these people?
-Xander was turned on by vamp Buffy, huh? With that, the groundwork for Xander's relationship with ex-demon Anya is laid. I didn't realize these earlier seasons were so much about Xander's eventual turn-ons and fetishes. I feel sort of dirty now.
"The Puppet Show" (1.9)
-This episode is dedicated to Slappy and to all of the truly psychotic ventriloquist dummies out there. Keep up the freaky work.
-Principal Snyder! While you're here, did you leave Rom in charge of Quark's? You know how he can get around those dabo girls.
-They really some better lighting in the girls' locker room? Who hangs out in an empty, poorly lit locker room anyway? I don't know about you, but they give me the wig. Ever since this one time I was in an empty, poorly lit locker room and... yeah, there's not really a story there. They just give me the wig.
-Okay, what did Alyson Hannigan ever do to piss off the costumers? Half of the time she looks like Laura Ashley's grandmother and the other half of the time she's dressed like a colorblind six-year-old. Well, they must have made up at some point because--while Willow will still have her moments--I don't remember her looking quite this deranged throughout the rest of the series.
-Buffy, as the Fug Girls would say, "Look into pants."
-Why are they all still acting like Buffy's been huffing paint when she suggests that it might all be Sid? You're on a Hellmouth, people! Giles, I'm especially disappointed in you. She's wrong, but still.
-I like that they made it look like Buffy took her make-up off to go to sleep. That always bugs me when female characters look like they're ready for a night out on the town when they go to bed. Those characters must have to throw away their pillowcases every morning.
-Why would what's her face let Morgan have the dummy out in class in the first place?
-They seem to have a lot of moderately concerned teachers at Sunnydale.
-Let this episode be a lesson to you. While dummies aren't always evil, they are always perverts.
-Morgan was in the same year as Buffy and Willow, was getting a 4.0, and we're supposed to believe Willow didn't know that already. In my experience, the people hovering around the top of the class always know where they stand and how many people are in front of them.
-Giles: Wait, Marc, what's the trick?!
Marc: They're called illusions, Giles! Tricks are what whores do for money.
-Come see Buffy and the Scoobies perform Oedipus Rex! You'll yawn, you'll laugh, you'll watch Willow run off stage!
-Principal Snyder! While you're here, did you leave Rom in charge of Quark's? You know how he can get around those dabo girls.
-They really some better lighting in the girls' locker room? Who hangs out in an empty, poorly lit locker room anyway? I don't know about you, but they give me the wig. Ever since this one time I was in an empty, poorly lit locker room and... yeah, there's not really a story there. They just give me the wig.
-Okay, what did Alyson Hannigan ever do to piss off the costumers? Half of the time she looks like Laura Ashley's grandmother and the other half of the time she's dressed like a colorblind six-year-old. Well, they must have made up at some point because--while Willow will still have her moments--I don't remember her looking quite this deranged throughout the rest of the series.
-Buffy, as the Fug Girls would say, "Look into pants."
-Why are they all still acting like Buffy's been huffing paint when she suggests that it might all be Sid? You're on a Hellmouth, people! Giles, I'm especially disappointed in you. She's wrong, but still.
-I like that they made it look like Buffy took her make-up off to go to sleep. That always bugs me when female characters look like they're ready for a night out on the town when they go to bed. Those characters must have to throw away their pillowcases every morning.
-Why would what's her face let Morgan have the dummy out in class in the first place?
-They seem to have a lot of moderately concerned teachers at Sunnydale.
-Let this episode be a lesson to you. While dummies aren't always evil, they are always perverts.
-Morgan was in the same year as Buffy and Willow, was getting a 4.0, and we're supposed to believe Willow didn't know that already. In my experience, the people hovering around the top of the class always know where they stand and how many people are in front of them.
-Giles: Wait, Marc, what's the trick?!
Marc: They're called illusions, Giles! Tricks are what whores do for money.
-Come see Buffy and the Scoobies perform Oedipus Rex! You'll yawn, you'll laugh, you'll watch Willow run off stage!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
"I Robot... You Jane" (1.8)
-Okay. I think Carlo's relationship with Moloch the Corrupter went a lot deeper than that of demon and worshipper. Look at that knowing glint in Carlo's eyes. They totally hooked up.
-Why is it that when people don't want a book to be read ever again, they just bury it or put it a giant wooden box? I mean, I can understand if destroying the book will release the evil therein. That's not really optimal. But if they really don't want anyone to read it, the least they could do is slather the pages with jam. No one--not even a uptight, book loving Watcher or his earnest, romantically-challenged Scooby--wants jam hands. Done and done.
-Miss Calendar is one sassy little code monkey.
-Fritz seriously needs to get laid.
-Buffy couldn't get a hold of Willow on the phone because Willow was online all night. Heh. Buffy should have tried after Willow's dad picked up the phone to make a business call.
"Daaaaad!"
"Sorry, honey."
*forty-five minutes of modem screeching*
-Yes, Buffy. Circus freaks are well-known for their lack of teeth and mad HaXoR skillz.
-No one ever says one way or the other, but I bet you a Coke CDR is a subsidiary of Wolfram & Hart.
-I often speak out loud as I type. In fact, I'm doing it right now. I guess the ADA will be happy to know that Sunnydale has equipped all of its computers for the visually impaired.
-"Hello, David. My name is Mol--I mean, Malcolm! Shall we play a game?"
-Coming up with escalating theoretical acts of destruction:
Buffy, 1; Giles, pwned.
-First Willow starts imming with some total random, now she's blithely answering the door without looking to see who it is while no one else is home. Where is this child's mother?! Probably off somewhere erecting burning stakes. MOOOOOO!
-Is it just me or does anyone else think technopagan sounds like a Wiccan who's really into raves? *flips the light switch on and off* "The goddess is down! The goddess is down!"
-Moloch has control of everything online, but he can't erase the one instant message that immediately leads Buffy and Xander to CDR?
-I still can't believe Fritz would take so much time out of his Neverwinter Nights schedule to build that toaster wannabe.
-Moloch, she's just not that into you.
-Time out. What kind of computer company has knockout gas in its pipes? See! I told you they were owned by Wolfram & Hart. You owe me a Coke.
-Buffy, this whole problem you're having with the metal dude? This knowledge will come in handy with Adam. Or it will if you can still remember this after the beer incident...
-Giles is kind of dreamy when he's waxing poetical about books. Looks like Calendar thinks so, too.
-Xander thinks none of them will ever have a happy, normal relationship. Don't worry, kids. They won't ever be normal, but they'll have their moments.
-Why is it that when people don't want a book to be read ever again, they just bury it or put it a giant wooden box? I mean, I can understand if destroying the book will release the evil therein. That's not really optimal. But if they really don't want anyone to read it, the least they could do is slather the pages with jam. No one--not even a uptight, book loving Watcher or his earnest, romantically-challenged Scooby--wants jam hands. Done and done.
-Miss Calendar is one sassy little code monkey.
-Fritz seriously needs to get laid.
-Buffy couldn't get a hold of Willow on the phone because Willow was online all night. Heh. Buffy should have tried after Willow's dad picked up the phone to make a business call.
"Daaaaad!"
"Sorry, honey."
*forty-five minutes of modem screeching*
-Yes, Buffy. Circus freaks are well-known for their lack of teeth and mad HaXoR skillz.
-No one ever says one way or the other, but I bet you a Coke CDR is a subsidiary of Wolfram & Hart.
-I often speak out loud as I type. In fact, I'm doing it right now. I guess the ADA will be happy to know that Sunnydale has equipped all of its computers for the visually impaired.
-"Hello, David. My name is Mol--I mean, Malcolm! Shall we play a game?"
-Coming up with escalating theoretical acts of destruction:
Buffy, 1; Giles, pwned.
-First Willow starts imming with some total random, now she's blithely answering the door without looking to see who it is while no one else is home. Where is this child's mother?! Probably off somewhere erecting burning stakes. MOOOOOO!
-Is it just me or does anyone else think technopagan sounds like a Wiccan who's really into raves? *flips the light switch on and off* "The goddess is down! The goddess is down!"
-Moloch has control of everything online, but he can't erase the one instant message that immediately leads Buffy and Xander to CDR?
-I still can't believe Fritz would take so much time out of his Neverwinter Nights schedule to build that toaster wannabe.
-Moloch, she's just not that into you.
-Time out. What kind of computer company has knockout gas in its pipes? See! I told you they were owned by Wolfram & Hart. You owe me a Coke.
-Buffy, this whole problem you're having with the metal dude? This knowledge will come in handy with Adam. Or it will if you can still remember this after the beer incident...
-Giles is kind of dreamy when he's waxing poetical about books. Looks like Calendar thinks so, too.
-Xander thinks none of them will ever have a happy, normal relationship. Don't worry, kids. They won't ever be normal, but they'll have their moments.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"Angel" (1.7)
-Zachary, I've got some good news and some bad news. Good news: The Master totally misses you. Bad news: He misses you because you got dusted by the Slayer. Tough break, kid. Wait! Now he's sending The Three after Buffy. You will be avenged, Zachary!
-You can already feel the sparks between Cordelia and Xander.
-Watch out, Buffy. Here comes The Three, never to be confused with The Trio. For Zachary!
-Buffy and Angel double-team! You know what they say--the couple that fights vampires together... um, has a long and insanely complicated relationship together. Really rolls off the tongue, that one.
-Seriously? That's really the first time The Three has failed in battle? Maybe it's not just that they failed; it's that they failed Zachary. Go ahead, Darla. Dust 'em. Get your jollies while you can.
-Quarterstaff training: Buffy, 1; Giles, traction.
-Buffy goes in for the smooch... she shoots... she scores! Wait a minute... it looks like... yes, she's sucking face with a vampire. Well, that's awkward.
-According to Giles, a vampire is always a demon at the core and there's no halfway. Hm. We'll see about that.
-Buffy and her thing for umpires. That's gonna get her in trouble one day.
-Darla, you might want to think that plan through just a little more. There are a couple of holes and... No? Okey dokey.
-Hm. Angel says to Darla, "the last time I saw you you, it was kimonos." The last time they saw each other was during The Boxer Rebellion in China, not Japan. Ah, well. He's a dude, and as the comment pertains to fashion, I suppose I'll let it slide.
-Uh oh. Angel's trying to resist Joyce's bloody neck. Watch Boreanaz act really, really hard. Carefully, buddy. You might strain something.
-1630 Revello Drive. I think we only hear Buffy say the address twice, and both times she's calling 911 for her mom. Poor Joyce. So often relegated to collateral damage.
-Joyce and Giles are doing some hospital bonding. I wonder what Buffy's life would have been like if they had gotten together for reals.
-I love what wearing the vamp teeth does to the actor's voices. They all sound like they're trying to talk through a mouthful of marbles.
-Don't worry, Darla. It's only a mild case of the deadsies. Just give it a few years. You'll be back and right as rain. Sort of.
-WTF? The Master just said Darla was his favorite. What about Zachary?!
-"Mmm, Angel. I love that cologne. What is it called?"
"Eau de Charred Flesh."
"Coolio. Laters!"
-You can already feel the sparks between Cordelia and Xander.
-Watch out, Buffy. Here comes The Three, never to be confused with The Trio. For Zachary!
-Buffy and Angel double-team! You know what they say--the couple that fights vampires together... um, has a long and insanely complicated relationship together. Really rolls off the tongue, that one.
-Seriously? That's really the first time The Three has failed in battle? Maybe it's not just that they failed; it's that they failed Zachary. Go ahead, Darla. Dust 'em. Get your jollies while you can.
-Quarterstaff training: Buffy, 1; Giles, traction.
-Buffy goes in for the smooch... she shoots... she scores! Wait a minute... it looks like... yes, she's sucking face with a vampire. Well, that's awkward.
-According to Giles, a vampire is always a demon at the core and there's no halfway. Hm. We'll see about that.
-Buffy and her thing for umpires. That's gonna get her in trouble one day.
-Darla, you might want to think that plan through just a little more. There are a couple of holes and... No? Okey dokey.
-Hm. Angel says to Darla, "the last time I saw you you, it was kimonos." The last time they saw each other was during The Boxer Rebellion in China, not Japan. Ah, well. He's a dude, and as the comment pertains to fashion, I suppose I'll let it slide.
-Uh oh. Angel's trying to resist Joyce's bloody neck. Watch Boreanaz act really, really hard. Carefully, buddy. You might strain something.
-1630 Revello Drive. I think we only hear Buffy say the address twice, and both times she's calling 911 for her mom. Poor Joyce. So often relegated to collateral damage.
-Joyce and Giles are doing some hospital bonding. I wonder what Buffy's life would have been like if they had gotten together for reals.
-I love what wearing the vamp teeth does to the actor's voices. They all sound like they're trying to talk through a mouthful of marbles.
-Don't worry, Darla. It's only a mild case of the deadsies. Just give it a few years. You'll be back and right as rain. Sort of.
-WTF? The Master just said Darla was his favorite. What about Zachary?!
-"Mmm, Angel. I love that cologne. What is it called?"
"Eau de Charred Flesh."
"Coolio. Laters!"
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
"The Pack" (1.6)
-This episode is metaphor-tacular. I know, I know. The whole series is an exploration of monster as metaphor and whatnot, but some episodes are a bit less subtle than others. This is one of those episodes.
-I always liked zoo field trips. They were outside and often minimally supervised. And occasionally we got to witness things, such as the zebras mating. Ah, nature.
-Enter mean kids stage right.
-Thank you for that creepy lesson on hyenas, skeevy zookeeper man. We shall keep it in mind.
-Beware the animatronic hyenas for they will possess you with their glowy eyes!
-Dodgeball. Oh, noes! The pack is turning on its weakest member. Teenagers in high school are like animals in the wild. Get it? GET IT?!
-Principal Flutie has a picture of himself on his desk. Facing outwards. What a sad, strange little man. Goodbye, sir. And while we're at it--sayonara, Herbert.
-I forgot Xander tried to rape Buffy, too. I guess he gets a bye because he was possessed. (Warning: I have many feelings about Spike's little foray into the world of sexual assault which I will address at a later date and possibly at great length.)
-Poor Willow. Xander is being a jerk. Boys can be cruel. Perhaps you should look into switching teams. Too soon? All in good time, my little witch. All in good time.
-What is wrong with that woman? Walking alone, or with a tasty baby, at night in Sunnydale is tantamount to a death wish. How has she not been skimmed off the top of gene pool already?
-Hey dude! The dad in the SUV is Mr. Ernst!
-Willow, never let some uber tool, wannabe Masai tribesman in face paint bind your wrists. Just a quick tip from me to you.
-Whatever happened to the "mean kids"? I like to think they ended up in the home. Memories of cannibalism can do that to a person. I mean, one assumes... nevermind.
-The end of this episode is a bit too light-hearted for my taste. "Remember when Xander attacked Buffy, emotionally-eviscerated Willow and ate a live piglet? I guess hyena-possessed boys will be boys!" Oh, all right. I'll let them have their blow off. Besides, Xander does have to remember it all. Poor kid.
-I always liked zoo field trips. They were outside and often minimally supervised. And occasionally we got to witness things, such as the zebras mating. Ah, nature.
-Enter mean kids stage right.
-Thank you for that creepy lesson on hyenas, skeevy zookeeper man. We shall keep it in mind.
-Beware the animatronic hyenas for they will possess you with their glowy eyes!
-Dodgeball. Oh, noes! The pack is turning on its weakest member. Teenagers in high school are like animals in the wild. Get it? GET IT?!
-Principal Flutie has a picture of himself on his desk. Facing outwards. What a sad, strange little man. Goodbye, sir. And while we're at it--sayonara, Herbert.
-I forgot Xander tried to rape Buffy, too. I guess he gets a bye because he was possessed. (Warning: I have many feelings about Spike's little foray into the world of sexual assault which I will address at a later date and possibly at great length.)
-Poor Willow. Xander is being a jerk. Boys can be cruel. Perhaps you should look into switching teams. Too soon? All in good time, my little witch. All in good time.
-What is wrong with that woman? Walking alone, or with a tasty baby, at night in Sunnydale is tantamount to a death wish. How has she not been skimmed off the top of gene pool already?
-Hey dude! The dad in the SUV is Mr. Ernst!
-Willow, never let some uber tool, wannabe Masai tribesman in face paint bind your wrists. Just a quick tip from me to you.
-Whatever happened to the "mean kids"? I like to think they ended up in the home. Memories of cannibalism can do that to a person. I mean, one assumes... nevermind.
-The end of this episode is a bit too light-hearted for my taste. "Remember when Xander attacked Buffy, emotionally-eviscerated Willow and ate a live piglet? I guess hyena-possessed boys will be boys!" Oh, all right. I'll let them have their blow off. Besides, Xander does have to remember it all. Poor kid.
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